What’s this all about (again)?

WordPress allows me to see what pages are viewed and when (though not who… darn) and I noticed that I was getting visitors at an “About” page that I hadn’t really known existed.  Well, I finally found it and wrote in something other than “This is the WordPress about page.  Here you can…” blah blah and it got me think about what I am trying to do here.

I called what I am doing here a journey which seems fitting and I at least know what direction I am going in but… if I am honest I am not sure what the end result is supposed to look like.  What does “true self-acceptance” even mean?  What is it like?  I imagine it feels good, right?  Something better then self-loathing and the constant desire to be different?

Perhaps I will know I have arrived when I can notice my silouette in a window and not cringe or analyze my legs to see if they are really as fat as I think they are.  Maybe I will stop putting my hands on my waist to check if I’ve gotten any smaller or to make sure I can still feel my ribs.  Stop wearing jeans when it is sweltering, and stop hating summer for that matter… stop feeling conscious of my stretch marks at the pool… stop looking at skinny women with envy and wishing I looked as thin and care free in a small white t-shirt…

But I think what I am really looking forward to is an overall blissful feeling of peace.  Yes, happiness, that’s it.  I want to be happy.  Just as I am.  Totally happy and free of the chains that weighed me down for such a long time.  I want the energy I never knew I had because it was tied up in diet planning and self-criticizing.  I want to actually know who I am rather than fixate on this idea of who I am supposed to be.  Happy… yeah, I think I’d like to give that a shot.  That’s what this is really about.

It’s not as common as weight-loss gurus but I have found some inspiration and ideas of what I am heading for:

Well, of course there is Geneen Roth who first introduced me to the whole “no dieting, ever” concept for which I will be forever grateful.

Then there is Sarah Becan at Sauceome.com who worked through her issues with a comic.  A friend of mine recommended this site to me shortly after I started this blog and I am so glad she did.  At first the comic seems to focus a bit on weight-loss but it grows way beyond that until she comes to a point where she realizes being thin is not that important.  Plus!  She isn’t afraid to love food!  Truly awesome.

And then there is Ragen Chastain at danceswithfat.wordpress.com who probably has the strongest voice of the bunch as she is a fat activist who believes people who are overweight shouldn’t be stigmatized.  What a concept, right?  Below her blog title says “Life, Liberty, and Pursuit of Happiness are not size dependent.”  What more is there to say?  Unfortunately lots as Ragen will be the first to tell you.

And finally, thisisnotadiet-itsmylife.com is my newest resource of feel-good-about-my-body-ness.  I recently joined a yahoo group for Inside Out Weight Loss (I know, I just said weight loss wasn’t the focus but this is another great resource and I’ll explain later) when I was introduced to this and I immediately liked the author on Facebook.  Now my newsfeed gets peppered with her messages and thank you Kate for sharing the link.

So there you have it.  I am not alone which is nice.  It’s good to know I have tools and wisdom to use as I move forward.  And I am also hoping to raise my voice right alongside theirs one day.  You know, once I have it “all figured out.”  The end is still fuzzy but I have a better idea of what I am aiming for now.

And I know it is going to be wonderful.