What to do?

Yesterday morning the sun was rising over Lake Michigan, filling the sky with glowing reds and oranges and making the water glisten.  The mist was beginning to recede from the shore and the waves were lapping against the sand of a small deserted beach.  It was here that my love gave me a ring, asked me to marry him and I happily agreed.  And I mean very happily.  I can’t remember the last time I laughed and cried at the same time.  And the ring is absolutely gorgeous.

But now I have a wedding to think about.  As well as a wedding dress and photos I will have for  the rest of my life.  My future mother-in-law has already proclaimed we all need to lose weight, especially my fiance who needs to lose quite a bit of weight and has a family history of serious heart problems.  Both she and I are worried about his health so I completely understand.  I truly do love her (I am marrying into a fantastic family!) and her intentions but… as if I hadn’t felt pressure enough before to be thin and pretty.  Wow!  Not only do I want to look absolutely spectacular for the biggest day of my life, I want the man I am marrying to be healthy.  Us losing weight seems to be the best thing to do.

But what should  I do?  I am so tired of dieting.  I have so much information about food in my head, I swear it will explode.  And what about my “self-acceptance no matter what”?  If I do this again, will I fall into the same patterns that bred my self-loathing in the first place?  What should I do?

I’m going to have to think on this.  I should probably mention that I bought some African Mango extract and I measured my waist today.  This all feels familiar; too familiar.  But I’ll expand on that later.  For now, I already decided my step one was to actively look for good things in myself.  I guess I should continue by finding my step 2.

Is it possible to love who you are now while still striving for change?

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